Here's the email:
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives,
> socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
>
>
> We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the
> whole of this latest election process has made me realize
> that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for
> many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly,
> this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological
> sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is
> right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can
> smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go
> our own way.
>
> Here is a model separation agreement:
>
> Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by
> landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult
> part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly
> agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our
> respective representatives can effortlessly divide other
> assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate
> tastes.
>
> We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep
> them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU..
> Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms,
> the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah,
> Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however,
> responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to
> move all three of them).
>
> We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations,
> pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can
> have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal
> aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy
> CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give
> you NBC and Hollywood .
> You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll
> retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten
> us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our
> allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help
> provide them security.
>
> We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome
> to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can
> also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the
> bill.
> We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury
> cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
> You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any
> practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare
> is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn
> of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure
> you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to
> Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
> We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give
> trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends
> you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
> Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to
> other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if
> you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly
> parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need
> whose help in 15 years...
>
> Sincerely,
> John J. Wall
> Law Student and an American
> P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda
> with you
And here's my response:
The following is an excerpt from a famous Liberal website:
If you do not have skin cancer, and have ever stood outside without having a peeling sunburn within moments, thank the ozone layer, thank the ban on CFCs, and thank a liberal.
If you have ever breathed clean air or drank clean water, thank a liberal for continuing to champion environmental standards.
If you are glad we don't live in a right-wing dictatorship along the lines of what conservatives overtly and covertly created in Iran, Guatamala, Nicaragua, the Dominican Republic, the Congo, Chile, Brazil, El Salvador, the Phillipines, Indonesia and many others, thank a liberal.
If you have ever used Medicare, thank a liberal.
If you have not gotten cancer from radiation, thank the Nuclear test ban and thank a liberal.
If you've ever driven on an interstate highway, thank a liberal.
If you grew up in a family of less than 12 kids, like the idea of being able to choose if you have 12 kids or not, if you don't live in an overpopulated third world slum, or just think birth control is a good idea, thank a liberal.
If your family benefited from the GI Bill of Rights, FHA Mortgages, and so forth, thank a liberal.
If you have ever bought anything from Europe, and are glad the Marshall plan kept it from remained a bombed-out shell or falling to communism or neo-fascism, thank a liberal.
If you are glad that the Nazis don't control half the world (conservatives opposed joining World War 2 until it was forced on them) thank a liberal.
If you have ever eaten food (agricultural subsidies), flicked on a light switch (rural electrification) or benefited from the Tennessee Valley Authority, thank a liberal.
If you ever drank a beer or a glass of wine without being thrown in jail, thank a liberal.
If you are not a land-owning white male, but have voted, thank a liberal.
If you have not died from tainted meat, been prescribed something useless or poisonous by a quack doctor, have not given your children cough syrup which turned out to have heroin as its secret ingredient, thank a liberal.
If your workplace is safe and you are paid a living wage, including overtime; if you enjoy a 40-hour week and you are allowed to join a union to protect your rights without being lynched, thank a liberal.
If you've ever seen a national park, and it hadn't been strip mined and clearcut into a desert wasteland, thank a liberal.
If your children go to school instead of working in coal mines, thank a liberal.
If you're a Native American and have not been killed or died in a concentration camp, or if you live near Native Americans and are not at war with them, thank a liberal.
If you oppose political parties starting massive wars to destroy America, just because they lost the election, and killing hundreds of thousands of Americans in process - if you just don't have that much fanatical hatred of Lincoln's policy of to restricting slavery to states where it already existed, thank a liberal.
If you're part-Irish, Catholic, Jewish, or for that matter anything not Anglo-Saxon Protestant, and are allowed to live in America, and are not harassed and attacked for failing to be born Anglo-Saxon Protestant, or if you've ever bought or used anything built by a non-ASP American, thank a liberal.
If you kind of like freedom of speech, and don't want the state government to be able to censor you - (you think the 14th amendment is a good idea) - thank a liberal.
If you have ever bought or sold anything transported by the transcontinental railroad, or eaten food from a farm created by the railroad, thank a liberal.
If you think the US constitution is pretty cool, and have ever traveled too or done business with a country whose democracy was inspired by the American revolution, thank a liberal.
If you have not been drafted and used as cannon-fodder in some war caused by some petty insult between nobles, clan leaders, or other various overfed dictators, or suffered rape or looting in one of those countless wars, thank a liberal.
If you have not been tortured to death in a religious inquisition, thank a liberal.
If you don't have to walk though ankle-deep sewage in the streets (because sewers are big gummint), thank a liberal.
If you have ever done anything that is a religious or superstitious taboo (ie, done anything at all) without being stoned to death or cast out as a heretic, thank a liberal.
If you have never been raped, and then had the rapist escape punishment on the grounds that he marry you, thank a liberal.
In short, if you've ever enjoyed anything of the post-stone-age world, thank a liberal.
...And if not, become a conservative.
Oh...and on the issue of religion in general in the previous email, Jesus Christ was the ULTIMATE Liberal. Check the books of Matthew, John and beyond. He was AGAINST war, he was for healing the sick and feeding the hungry FOR FREE and he was for all men embracing one another as brothers and not stockpiling guns and building fences. Many people in America today are Christians in name alone. They have no idea what Jesus truly stood for and prefer to ascribe Old Testament values to the New Testament visionary. The Prince of PEACE. And that's coming from one of the millions of Christian Liberals in America today.
So, Conservatives. You want a divorce. You're like a spoiled child who's had their way for 8 long years and the second one election doesn't go your way, you want to take your ball and go home. Deal with it. This is America and our strength lies in our diversity and in our peaceful difference of opinion. No one party or ideology should rule for too long and thanks to the beauty of the American political system, that won't happen. It's cyclical. You've had your time. Hell, you've had 20 of the last 28 years and even THAT'S not good enough for you.
All I can say is that the current state of the GOP is your own fault. You're not bad or evil people but whenever you get stuck in your own head and refuse to adapt and update, this will happen and you'll continue to lose elections until you start to embrace what America truly is. A multicultural haven for people around the world...of every sexual orientation, nationality, religion, race and creed. America is not YOUR country. It's EVERYONE'S country and until your party truly reflects that, the Democratic majority will only increase.
But have fun crying, sulking and shaking your fists at the sky. You'll have to do so until Jan. 20, 2017 when President Obama gives his last speech as President of these United States of America.
"My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness." - The Dalai Lama
